ON BEING ALONE

solitude vs space.
2 different meanings .

but how many of us can enjoy solitude?

how much of silence can one handle?

how long can one remain isolated?

what amount of loneliness is too much to handle? does loneliness spell trouble?

in solitude, i think and reflect on my experiences, dreams,passions.
but do i think the same way when am lonely?nooooooooo.... seriously fear creeps in the moment i step from solitude to loneliness.

spending time alone is the best teacher. very truly said.

i have looked back quietly pondering over the very purpose of my life, getting philosophical n stuff.....though not all the time.
but loneliness means am out of my comfort zone.

growing up all alone has indeed conditioned me to face solitude, but when am struck with loneliness , i just duck out. its challenging! its not fun at all.
even worse, sleeplessness and loneliness - a real nightmarish combo strikes me very often.


Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die
That means he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry

its disgusting to say tht I FEEL LONELY.
its frightening. i feel am getting nowhere when this feeling sets in.
its like i have to walk on thorns all my life. i feel shattered.
its like my sky is always dark....thrz no silver lining !

past is hurting, present is killing and i have no idea what the future holds for me.
an empty feeling makes me cold. i have nothing to hold on to...am drowning in isolation. i feel hopeless. this hurricane of isolation is engulfing me ....faster than a rollercoster.
my sanity dangles.
am i walking the path of my own destruction?

I stand among ruins pondering upon elements tht I have triumphed and upon Time that has belittled my efforts. I hear voices that set echoes reverberating.

I question myself- who can reveal myself to my Soul?

There is a flame burning in my heart which devours my strength .

Iam staring at invisible things and wondering about incomprehensible feelings.

To me, grief is more beautiful than laughter. I crawl in grief as if tortured from the caves of hell and feel the quiet of the grave in me.

I wish to go through the Slumber of Eternity for I neither feel tranquil nor serene.

Words like honeyed poison haunt me thru Dawn n Dusk. The world has returned to savagery. People act as if the sea was created for them to wash their feet. My soul is mute.

My silent sleepless soul wears a mask torn by the agony of Life.

I begin to comfort myself- There is no end to my depth.

My soul ascends glorified like the night that is glorified by the twilight with its golden clouds.

Iam now boundless and calm; sightful and unquenchable.

I see the rays of Dawn gleaming to reach perfection revealing Life's glory. Enlightened, I humbly bow to wisdom, demolishing barriers and my soul extracts the aromatic scent of Life.

What can be stranger than Life?

TO MYSELF

iam like a mouse in a maze
a dot on a big canvas
replacing tears thru cheers,healing my scars
tryin to make it to the stars
hard learnt life lessons ,brings hope in me

am walking in to the sunlight,glistening like ice
i know i can survive,without asking y
therez nothing to fear
life flourishes evrywhr there is hope and that is the simplicity of life

it is not about getting caught in every day difficulties
but it is about the perspective we have about life
there is nothing to rush
we jus have to stop and look around
there is more to do to create a beautiful tomorrow
and my mind is not narrow

i do not want to close my eyes
i do not want to wash my tears away
i do not want to drown in painful words
i do not want to disppear
i do not want to flee from life

i know my potential is infinite and cowardice is jus a mask
my road to achievement is not smooth yet i must go thru mammoth
efforts alone will not suffice for i know i must be positive
rules of hard work governs my bone within and I pray for strength like a mountain.

Is it the doubting mind?

is it the inner darkness?

is it the absence of illumination?

is it escapism?

is it melancholy?

what is it overpowering me?

i do not understand this less than ordinary feeling.

is it destiny?

is it some deepening thoughts?

am not sure what is it..Chains in my mind escaping velocity

i have stayed wen it was nt needed

i have waited with desperation

eager to know whats in store for me

i weep inside my shell for words cannot contain my pain

anguish leaves me still and am numb

am floating endlessly---a spineless seeking

i do not know where i belong or where i would reach

something in me has died unborn....DEATH OF DESIRE!!!

Would somebody help me reingnite the spark?
answer me DEAR GOD.

A CHINESE STORY

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily,with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments,for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what was perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.
The bearer said to the pot, ’’Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’’ Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and warding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
Life always gives you back, what you give out. Your life is NOT a coincidence, but a mirror of your own doings.

ODE TO MY COMPANION

hello companion,

u taunt me...
u make my days dark
u bring me a gut-wrenching pain
u make me regret
u make me rebuke
u make others laugh at me
u r a shadow chasing me
u make me surrender
u make me feel small
u r a silent threat
u make me feel agony
u hold the key to my destiny
u torment me
u leave me no choice

i c my plans fall thru
and pray they come true
i stand and watch it all go....
am tired from frustration
holding back tears
trust shattered again
promises unkept
hopes dimmed and drowned to loss
persistence failing
bittersweet ending
emotions run high
times r passing
dreams foregone
am blinded by FAILURE!!!!!!!

IMMORTAL RHYTHM

Am trying to scrutinize and analyze the deeper hidden meaning of life .
Am trying to make a difference to find a reason for the greater purpose.
The vision seems to be out of reach , am struggling for clarity.
Its a weak illusion and am confined to solitude. A great disgust, i despise.
Am battling with the familiar loneliness am acquainted with, wistfully hoping for joy forever.
I have a barrier to overcome, a crossroad in life.
I long for acceptance and a place of refuge to escape the faces of the past.
Soul cutting thoughts steal the stillness of the night and makes me hunger for the elusive.
its a time of solace, a moment of deepness....never to be shared.

Am enlightened
am wild n free
am chasing the thunder....
am flirting with the lightning...
am soaring with the eagle...
am swimming in the sea...
am sniffing a flower....
am dating a butterfly...
am singing in the rain...
am on the verge of oblivion.

I have sensed the Immortal rhythm of Life.
The deeper meaning is not hidden...it is only to be sought with deeper insight.
Life is neither the beginning nor the end.
Life is You being who you are meant to be.